Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse are out of control

The LOST production team are taking the offseason hiatus to new levels of insanity. Not only did they invent The Hanson Foundation and its fictional protests against the ABC series, now they've begun releasing long lost 1960's industrial films showcasing Hanson Industries projects.




It's a long wait from May to October, when the new season premieres. Expect to see a lot more of these ridiculous plot teasers that will keep rabid fans running in circles. My advice: Go the beach, get some sun, and enjoy your summer.

Return from Namibia

After a two-week exile in Namibia, I have returned with the first exclusive picture of Brad and Angelina's new bundle of joy... Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. Keep in mind, newborns aren't the most attractive creatures, but I'm sure she'll grow out of it.

Beware the DVD sniffing dogs

Watch yourself the next time you're at the airport. The film industry is so paranoid about piracy that the Federation Against Copyright Theft has partnered with FedEx and trained two black labs to sniff out potentially illegal DVDs. The two dogs are based here in the UK, but if the program is successful, you can bet the MPAA will be breeding 'em for the States. Somewhere, Jack Valenti is having an orgasm.

The Force is strong with these two

Creative wunderkinds JJ Abrams and Damon Lindelof admit to being heavily influenced by George Lucas and the original STAR WARS trilogy. Remember that running bit on That '70s Show where Eric tied everything in life into STAR WARS? Pretty much the same thing here...

Damon: "The oldest surviving piece of my wardrobe is a long-sleeved Bantha Tracks t-shirt that I got when my dad and I joined the original Star Wars Fan Club! It was so big on me that I'd wear it to sleep... but now, somehow, it fits perfectly. I just happened to be wearing that shirt the first day that I met with JJ."

JJ: "When Damon walked into my office for the first time and he was wearing not just a Star Wars shirt but an ORIGINAL Star Wars shirt -- and I could tell it was his, not just some vintage purchase. I immediately knew that we were long lost brothers. It was the first thing that made me say, 'Okay I love this guy.'"

Enough with the geek-love. How about the film's influence on your work?

JJ: "Star Wars is probably the most influential film of my generation. So, in a way, everything that any of us does is somehow directly or indirectly affected by the experience of seeing those first three films."

Damon: "I remember seeing A New Hope when I was four and being afraid to take a bath because of the trash compactor scene. From that point on, NO MORE BUBBLES! I needed to SEE what was in the water with me!"

Yeah. A little more information than we needed. Thanks.

To read their full pontifications, head over to starwars.com

Favorite Viral Video of the Week

Seth McFarlane and the wacked out geniuses at ROBOT CHICKEN have done it again. Here's a claymation look at how Darth Vader broke the news of the Death Star's destruction to Emperor Palpatine. Hey -- I might be cranky, but there are still some things that make me laugh.

My five days in prison, by Michelle Rodriguez

No commentary needed here. I'll simply let her own words speak for themselves...

"It was so cool. I love people, and it was a primal crew. I represent the people, you know what I mean? If somebody picks on me, they'll get what's coming. I didn't have to handle myself is what I'm saying. I had love in there. People got where I'm coming from."

How exactly did she spend her time?

"Drawing pictures for everybody on their shirts. Writing poetry. And singing show tunes with the girls."

Why do lousy actors work so much?

Nic Cage is at is again. This time, he's headling CRAZY DOG, the story of a NY cop who kills a friend and goes on a guilt-ridden rampage before seeking redemption. Oh boy, Nic playing emotionally distraught. There's something new.

Dead-show

Remember the Davild Milch item we brough you the other day -- the one about his new surf noir series at HBO? Well, it seems creative juices go only so far. In other words, if Milch catches the wave, DEADWOOD is headed for Boot Hill. Sorry cowpolks.

The lights are on, but nobody's home

Everyone's favorite celebutante sashayed her into Geekland yesterday, making an ass of herself yet again. Arriving late to her photo opp at the Electronic Entertainment Expo, she apologized to the crowd and said how excited she was to be promoting her new cell phone videogame DIAMONDQUEST. Within seconds, the crowd witnessed a horde of marketing exec's heads explode. The game is actually called PARIS HILTON'S JEWEL JAM.

The sad thing is, none of this is an act. She's really that dumnb.

Do you feel lucky, gamer boy?

Couch potatoes and movie enthusiasts rejoice! With success of the GODFATHER game, Warner Interactive Games is going into development on a DIRTY HARRY gaming adventure. Clint Eastwood, Gene Hackman (Al Bressler), and Larry Fishburn (Rev. Carlton Clay) will lend their voices to detective Harry Calahan's first virtual case. The story will take place between the first two films -- DIRTY HARRY and MAGNUM FORCE -- and its release timed to coincide with next year's recently announced HD-DVD box set collection.

Buckle up, kids. This is the first step into a new, long-rumored world of entertainment, where beloved film franchises can be sequelized far beyond the on-camera believability of its stars.

Idol Cruelty

Despite the fact that Katherine had sung her way out of the competition on Tuesday night, America voted to eliminate chrome dome rocker Chris from the semi-finals. Simon, Paula, and Randy all sat shocked as Seacrest slipped in the decision amongst his usual banal pratter. One more round before the title card match. Next week: Taylor vs. Elliott vs. Kat.

How in the hell did I get so hooked on this crap?

HBO nets surf noir

NYPD Blue and Deadwood creator David Milch is putting on a wetsuit for HBO. Collaborating with surfer/author Kem Nunn, the two will give the network a murder mystery series inside the seldom seen underbelly of the surfing world. As if Point Break wasn't enough to satisfy our appetite for surf thrillers.

TRAILER TRASH: Lady in the Water

In keeping with our H20 theme, AmEx pitchman M. Night Shyamalan returns with a 21st century fairytale of a literary character trapped between worlds. Think David Blaine meets Alice in Wonderland.

View the trailer

TRAILER TRASH: The Lake House

Sandra and Keanu, together again... sort of. This cross-time love story remake of the Korean film Il Mare, looks to be the sleeper of the summer. And when I say sleeper, I mean celluloid alternative to Ambien.

View the trailer

Bubble Boy Blue

Freakazoid street magician David Blaine was pulled unconscious from his oversized snowglobe two minutes shy of breaking the world breath-holding record. His diving trainer is taking the blame for the early pullout, saying Blaine would have climaxed the event and emerged unscathed; well, except for damage to his liver and kidneys. Let's see: buried alive, frozen in ice, submerged underwater... maybe next time he can release himself to the vacuum of outer space.

Baby one more time

Knock me up once, shame on you. Knock me up twice, damn those condoms. America's favorite white trash princess is with child again. Mrs Federline confirmed the long rumored pregancy last night to Dave Letterman and his Late Show audience. K-Fed better get himself a job... or a vasectomy.

The nose knows

Pop singer (and we use that term advisedly) Ashlee Simpson debuted her newly altered nose and chin this week while performing at SunFest in West Palm Beach, Florida. Unfortunately for Ms. Simpson, medical science still has not discovered a way to surgically implant musical talent.

Harvey buys a used K.I.T.T.

Another Glen Larson '80s property is being brought back from the dead. This time, Harvey and Bob Weinstein are behind the wheel of KNIGHT RIDER, the delectably cheesy action series fronted by Baywatch beefcake David Hasselhoff. Larson himself will write the script. Let's face it, you know this is going to be bad. For every Mission Impossible there are ten Dukes of Hazzards. Let's put a moratorium on television adaptations before we wind up a gritty, urban retelling of What's Happening starring 50 cent, Ja Rule, a CGI Tupak, and Lil' Kim as Dee.

The heir to Mike Wallace is apparently...

Anderson Cooper. The silver topped, one-man news team returns to CBS this fall, to join the cast of 60 Minutes. His first assignment -- Celebrity Mole: The White House, with Scooter Libby, Scott McLellan, Porter Goss, James Carville, Mary Matalin, Valerie Plame, Condi Rice, and Laura Bush.
Let the games begin!

Done deal

Disney finalized its $7.4 Billion acquisition of Pixar on Monday. Welcome to House of Mouse: The Next Generation, also known as the Steve Jobs administration.

Politics: It's all about the money, even on TV

A planned WEST WING retrospective, celebrating the series' seven season run, has been scrapped because certain unnamed cast members didn't feel there was enough money in it for them.

Can you feel the love?

Waking up with Whoopi

Stand back Don Imus. Take cover Howard Stern. Move over Spike O'Dell. There's a new big mouth coming to morning drive radio -- Whoopi Goldberg. On July 31, Clear Channel entertainment will unveil Wake Up With Whoopi, a syndicated 5-9a radio show. This'll do wonders to boost Starbucks and Caribu revenue, as the country is going to need much more caffeine to process her caustic wit that early in the morning.

Too bad, so sad

At a mere mortal take of $48 Million, M:I 3 makes Hollywood's list for Worst Weekend. The highly publicized and critically-acclaimed film failed to captivate moviegoers, falling more than $10 Mil short of its precessor and far below tinsletown expectations.

Maybe now Tommy will learn to keep his creepy personal life to himself.

TRAILER TRASH: Casino Royale

Daniel Craig takes over the role of James Bond in a gritty retelling of Ian Fleming's novel, CASINO ROYALE. Quick impression: Return with us now to the days of Timothy Dalton -- sexy, serious, stylish, and lacking a sense of humor.

View the trailer

Is it just me, or has Craig seemed to have aged 20 years overnight? That Broccoli family will do that to an actor.

Studio 60 gets the greenlight

Aaron Sorkin returns to NBC prime time this fall. The network has just picked up his STUDIO 60 pilot with a 13 episode commitment. The series -- starring Matthew Perry, Steven Webber, and DL Hughley -- focuses on the inner dysfunction of an SNL-style sketch comedy show. If we're lucky, Sorkin's exceptional writing will raise the bar for the 2006-07 season.

Sharpen those blades

The SAW franchise continues. On board for the third tale are Bahar Soomekh (CRASH) and Angus Macfadyen. The two will join returning stars Tobin Bell (Jigsaw), Shawnee Smith (Amanda), and Dina Meyer (Kerry) for what is sure to be more mayhem and madness. One of these days, the movie going public is going to get sick of sequels and revolt. I only hope I'm young enough to enjoy it.

Jennifer sticks with espionage

New momma, Jennifer Garner, is joining Jamie Foxx and Chris Cooper in the cast of Peter Berg's THE KINGDOM. The trio will play counter-terrorist agents sent to investigate a insurgent bombing on a western world compound in the middle east. Thrilling! Sounds like a leftover episode of ALIAS.

No wonder Demi married him

Ashton Kutcher just keeps getting richer. Sony has optioned a pitch (otherwise known as a half-baked idea) by writer Kevin Bisch (he wrote HITCH) as a starring vehicle for Ashton. The story centers on a male florist who is also LA's best relationship broker. Mr Punk'd will take home a cool $10 Million against 10% of the grosses. He's also producing. I guess this means Bruce is off the hook for putting the kids through college.

CBS' Super-Duper Summer

Talk about inspired programming. CBS unveiled its plans for summer vacation and they're overflowing with creative ingenuity. Three of its new shows are (surprise) reality based...

Rock Star: Supernova - This time, a manufactured supergroup fronted by Tommy Lee, Jason Newsted, and Gilby Clarke, search for the next JD Fortune. Look! I'm getting goosebumps already.

Big Brother 7 - Airing three nights a week! Seriously. Are there really that many people who want to make jackasses of themselves on network television?

Tuesday Night Book Club - A docu-soap opera (ala Laguna Beach, 8th & Ocean) set in suburbia. Sociologists of the future will scratch their heads and wonder why Americans chose to sit on their couches night after night, growing fatter and stupider, watching other people's lives instead of living their own.

MTV wants more MOMMA

Wilmer Valderrama's post-That '70s Show life seems bright. MTV has just renewed YO MOMMA for a second season. The series is ranked first among 12-24 year olds. So, in effect, the former music network is teaching a whole new generation of Americans how to be intolerant of others for entertainment and cash money. And people wonder why the rest of the world hates America...

So much for the big comeback

Geena Davis' critically lauded drama COMMANDER IN CHIEF has been shelved once again. Falling flat on its face following a highly publicized return from hiatus, ABC has pulled the show in favor of newsmag PRIMETIME LIVE. The network is expected to burnoff the remaining handful of episodes sometime this summer. It seems America can only stomach one ineffective president at a time.

Speaking of no new ideas...

Jon Voight has officially joined the cast of Michael Bay's mega-budget TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE. Voight joins Shia LeBeouf and soon to be announced cast-mates Josh Duhamel, Bernie Mac, and John Turturro. This thing better work, or it'll sink a lot of careers.

Here come THE JETSONS

Proving once again that there are no new ideas in Hollywood, Warner Bros. and producers Denise Di Novi and Donald De Line are prepping a live-action adaptation of THE JETSONS. Adam F. Goldberg, staff writer on CBS' Still Standing, is writing the script. Did they not learn anything from Universal's disasterous pair of FLINTSTONES pictures?

TRAILER TRASH: Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest

The second full trailer for Disney's PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST has been released. Forget Superman and The X-Men, this will be the summer film to beat.

View the trailer

Spike TV unveils the SCREAM awards

As if the world needs yet another awards show, Spike TV has announced its plans for the October SCREAM awards, honoring the best in horror and sci-fi over the past year. Kudos will be given to genre favs in film, television, music, comic books, and video games. "There is so much to celebrate," said Casey Patterson, Senior VP Event Production. And so much advertising to sell.

We now return you to Game Show Hell

With WGA and SAG strikes looming on the horizon, networks are hedging their bets and stockpiling cheap and easily produced game shows to pad their schedules. Lucky us!

CBS is ready to unveil Gameshow Marathon, in which contestants run the gauntlet of classic gameshows.

ABC is developing For the Rest of Your Life, where contestants compete for monthly living expenses.

FOX is working on Show Me the Money, in which prize values fluctuate on the contestants' greed and producers' sadistic whim.

NBC is tight-lipped about 1 vs 100, for fear that someone will steal the concept from them.

The Alba Awards

Horndogs rejoice! Jessica Alba will be far from invisible when she hosts the 2006 MTV Movie Awards on June 8. With sequels to Fantastic Four and Sin City going into production later this year, there will be ample opportunity for parodies.

From the Endless Sequels Department: Axel Foley strikes again

Proving once again that some people simply don't know when to quit, Eddie Murphy is slated to star in Beverly Hills Cop 4. If the producers resurrect that infernal Harold Faltermeyer synth-pop theme music, we'll know that this truly is a sign of the Apocalypse.